Thursday, April 30, 2009

No Ifs, Ands or BUCKS About It

From the pretty garsh darn funny department, Ohio State basketball star (and by star, I mean extremely popular Columbus white guy at the end of the bench that is lucky to play) Mark Titus decided to enter the NBA Draft. Only problem, David Stern wasn't havin' it.

Stern didn't want Titus' entry to make the Draft look like a mockery. I'm assuming he doesn't want every college kid sitting at the end of a bench wanting to enter. Because having too many college kids enter the draft would be overwhelming! .. Back to that later....

After calling Ohio State once, then contacting Titus again to tell him he better remove his name...'or else,' Titus finally decided to close up shop. Rivals reports on Titus: "The NBA had called back and this time they demanded I pull my name out “or else.” I assume the “or else” meant they were going to make me do an NBA Catalog commercial like Larry Bird did in 1987. Despite the fact that I would have loved nothing more than to do a similar commercial, I realized that maybe the NBA isn’t an organization to be messed with and I pulled my name out."

And my favorite: "Because of this, I’m not really all that upset about them treating me differently. In fact, I’m somewhat excited. I could very well be the first person in the history of the NBA to basically be told to go away."

So what's funnier? Mark has his own blog, a very successful one I might add, fitly titled: Club Trillion: Life Views From The End Of The Bench.

Although he's a pesky Buckeye, needless to say, I like this kid. If you ever want to come play some pickup in Burbank let me know. We won't tell ya to 'go away.'

Oh, and Stern. Just let the kid join in on the fun. What is there to lose?... Oh sorry, more publicity I guess. That would be just horrible for the NBA.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Tommy Lasorda Is A Baller!

Or he may just be a ball. I'm not sure.

This pic was posted on Deadspin and they said they were worried about Tommy's health.

C'mon guys. Was he ever skinny? I'm sure he's feelin fine! Not everybody can take a great pic on everrrry shot.

It is pretty cool what they are doing though. Tommy, alongside the guy from The Unit (and those All-State commercials) and David Robinson are touring Afghanistan to hang out with our troops. In fact they just stopped by one of my buddies' base there and he got to meet all three. Nathan Schrock, from Arthur, IL, you are a rad! He's the only army guy in this pic that looks like he's having a good time (Because that's how us A-towners role!)
Too bad Tommy wasn't in this pic. It's always good to see him behind a huge barrel.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Joakim Noah, The NBA's Pretty Boy

I'm a Bulls fan. But Joakim Noah needs a haircut. Still drives me nuts. The Bulls will not win another playoff series until he does. I'm calling it. It will be like last year when Manny cut his hair in Los Angeles and batted .920 the rest of the season.

Isn't there a site out there, a blog, a post, ANYthing, that is pushing for this guy to get an eight dollar clip.

Feel free to comment. Give me your personal interpretation on what you think Joakim is saying in this picture.

Barry Bonds Doesn't Lie

Barry Bonds doesn't lie. He never took steroids, remember? Oh wait, no. He didn't knowingly take the 'roids during his playing days, when asked by congress. So we have to believe him when he says that he was never a jerk in the clubhouse in San Francisco. That he was just a character. A character that he created in order to sell tickets. Does he really think we're that dumb.

It's sad to see Barry still struggling to come to grips that no team in Major League Baseball wants him. All this is, is a marketing ploy to try to get another team to give him one more shot in a lineup somewhere.

Bonds will go down as one of the best players that ever played the game. Definitely in my top 10. Er...maybe 12. But a character? Ha, I guess that's one way to put it. Likeable? Now that's another thing.

Would you want Barry on your team?

See the interview here via Deadspin.

Monday, April 27, 2009

A Melody For Cubs Fans

Me: "I dunno dad, the Cubs look pretty good this year. They have the best record in the NL, they could win the pennant finally."

Dad: "Naaaaaaaaaaaaa, they'll find a way to choke, just like they do every year."

And of course we all know what happened. Doesn't even matter the year, the Cubs choke. Always.

Even Cubbie fans have to laugh at this. Ohhh those luvable losers.

Keep your heads up though Cub fans. There's always next year!.........
...and the year after that, and the year after that....

This Is Why NASCAR Is The Most Dangerous Sport

If you have a few minutes, this is worth watching.

You've seen the highlight off SC. But this is the whole 5 minute sequence that aired on Fox that led up to the Carl Edwards' crash. These guys are out of their minds! Pretty sure this is the first time i've seen a stock-car flip up like this and hit the wall.

This reminds me how often these drivers put their lives in danger and how often NASCAR has to update their safety regulations in order to keep the drivers AND fans alive.

Bill Cosby The Football Star

Anyone else see this yesterday?Bill Cosby is in his 70's and still kickin' it.

You know, public appearances with future NFL stars (that have his same last name.) Wearing football gear complete with a Temple uniform and helmet. Well...just the fact he's sitting on a couch with ERIN ANDREWS.. Bill Cosby shall forever be the coolest man on the planet. And he's a pretty funny guy too...
BTW, don't miss the pic of Bill in his football uniform from 1961!

Again, Bill has no relation to college football star Quan Cosby. He was just there because they have the same last name. Awesome.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Drunk Guy Confuses Pants With Shirt

Self explanatory.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

49ers Reverting To Old School Look

The San Francisco 49ers are going back to their 1980's "Joe Montana" type look. And it is awesome.

They haven't announced it yet, but just as all things tend to get leaked, this is no exception. The Niners will try to turn around their horrid decade of loss by going back to the way they looked when they were pumping out Super Bowl Rings like Huey Lewis was spitting out gold records (who doesn't love "Sports??" The Heart Of Rock N' Roll!!??.... anyone? anyone?.....Bueller???)

I sure am happy. Retro is the new "new." And may I say, the Niners are back to having the best uniforms/logo in the biz. They got rid of the black stripe down the center of the helmet, and replaced the dark red with the old "firefighter" red. Pure righteousness.

Here is also a leaked pic of the new jerseys with the same old school feel. So ya, don't be surprised if the Nina's pull off an "Arizona Cardinal" this season and make it to the Supa' Bowl!
OK...wishful thinking I guess......

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Can H.S. Kid Throw 5th No-Hitter In A Row?!

I don't care who you are and who you are pitching against. Throwing 4 No-Hitters in a row is absolutely insane!

Patrick Schuster threw his fourth consecutive "no no" last night in New Port Richey, Florida. I'm sure you've seen it all on ESPN by now. The very likeable youngster could hardly believe it as he told reporters that he didn't even know which inning he was pitching in. He was shocked that he still had one more inning to go during the sixth and wasn't sure that he could "take it" (the pressure) any more!

The Senior at Mitchell H.S. has struckout 60 batters in the four starts, and has an ERA of 0.73 this season! And oh ya, the four no-hitters breaks the Florida state record and is two shy of the national record held by two different dudes. One I guess actually works for ESPN.

And oh ya, it's his 5th No'No this year in total!

Can he go for six?!!! I know i'll be rooting for him.

If he makes it to five in a row I'll be crying just like his mama! (Especially if my WhiteSox or Cardinals draft him!)......(Yes, I have two teams.... sue me)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009

Yankee Fans Are Still Yankee Fans

Former Yankee and current tribe pitcher Carl Pavano being introduced at Yankee Stadium's opening day yesterday. The right jumbo-tron says it all.

Nice to know that even in a new stadium, nothing has changed in the Bronx. Isn't it great taking all your NYC frustrations and aggressions out on your own baseball players!?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hockey Players Are NOT Actors

You might have seen this today just as I have.
Hockey players taking a 'stand' against making bad commercials.

I mean, really, why are they picking on themselves? Don't athletes from ALL sports make horrible commercials?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

WNST Sports Radio Holding Open LIVE Auditions

WNST in Baltimore is holding auditions for their afternoon shift. Live auditions.
This guy on the video here doesn't start out too bad, until he loses his memory quite consistently.
Pretty innovative concept though. How would you do? Could you do any better than this dude?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Soccer Player Nearly Murdered With Flag

I know soccer players are infamous for 'flopping.' But this is ridiculous!

How come every time I talk about soccer it's about ridiculous 'farting' yellow cards and flopping?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Columbia Professor Faints On Fox News Channel

Ohhhh those crazies over at Fox News. I tell ya!

David Buckner, a Columbia University professor was on FNC to talk about why American companies were failing on Glenn Beck's Fox News TV show. Then......... he passed out. Fainted. Fell. Hit the floor. ALL after talking about stocks that have fallen. TOO ironic.

*whispers*... I'm passin' out....
"You alright?".... I'm passin' out....
"OK, haha, you wanna hang on?".... I'm passin' out...

No. He can't "hang on," Because he's passing out! Help the man already!

This is the second person to pass out on national live television in the past month! Don't forget about the USC volleyball coach that hit the sand face-first!

This is sure to make you 'lol.'

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Beanie Baby Revolution In All It's Glory

I saw this old VHS tape on beanie babies online this morning. It is great in so many ways. Not only is the style complete with 90's awesomeness, but Samm Levine is also in it (Freaks And Geeks, Not Another Teen Movie, Sydney White), who funny enough, I met last summer at a sketch comedy show. Funny guy. He probably hates this.

I'm so glad these never went 'out of style.'

Can YOU name the 9 original beanies!?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Remember Nick Adenhart

Normally i'm only writing postive stories filled with humor. I think there is too much negativity in the regular news that we could rather do without. However, I was absolutely SHOCKED when I heard the news on Sportscenter this morning that Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart had been killed by a drunk driver last night in Fullerton, CA., literally 3 miles from Angels Stadium.

The 23 year old was one of the most promising young pitchers in the game, and last night he had his best career start to date. He pitched 6 innings, allowing 0 earned runs, 7 hits, 5 strikeouts and 3 walks. It was definitely a night to celebrate. The former high school star that had undergone surgery to make it to the big leagues had finally reached his shining moment, and it looked as if his career was finally starting to take off.

The drunk driver that ran the red light that hit Adenhart's car also killed 2 other passengers, both friends of Adenhart. To see a short article on the man that will be charged with murder, due to the hit-and-run, can be seen here.

It seems like it's another classic case of "only the good die young." This is one of those movie scripts that you can only hope, somehow, has a happy ending. But for now, just keep the Adenhart family and friends in your prayers.

Rest in peace Nick.

[Photo courtesy ESPN]

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

You've Never Seen A Pee-Wee Shot Like This

Straight out of Pewaukee, Wisconsin, a little-guy basketball game that involves a last second shot that Jordan or Bird couldn't have even called in those old McDonald's commercials.

Too bad it didn't count. Still unbelievable!

I'm not sure which is better....oh, geez. I'll just admit it. That pee-wee shot was better than the old Bird/Jordan slots. But it's still fun to watch nonetheless!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Jordan's Son Chooses School

As his father gets accepted into the Basketball Hall-of-Fame, Michael Jordan's son, Marcus, has chosen to accept a scholarship from The University of Central Florida.

Marcus Jordan is coming off a stellar performance in the Illinois state playoffs in which he led his team to a state title. Now it looks like he will play D-I like his brother Jeffrey, who plays for Illinois.

You can't expect these kids to live up to their father's status, but just the fact that they have made it to the D-I level is outstanding. Only 1% of high school ballers even do that. Some have said that Marcus is even better than his older brother Jeffrey and that one or two years at UCF could lead to an eventual transfer to a larger, more historical program. So count him out yet. We might be talking a lot about both Jordans in the NCAA tournament a couple years from now.
[The Dagger]

Monday, April 6, 2009

Grizzly Adams DID Have A Beard

Nazi Germany DID host the Olympics
People really should pay attention in history class.

MLB All-Star Now Coaching High School

Happy 'Opening Day' everyone!

If you're as big of a baseball fan as I am, then today is like a holiday to you as well. In light of the festivities, here is today's baseball story....

How would you like to have been coached by an MLB All-Star in high school? Well that's exactly what has happened at St. Thomas (Texas) High as former Houston Astros second baseman Craig Biggio has taken the helm.

His son, Conor, plays on the team. And as you can see from the pic above, it's not the first time they've been in the dugout together. *In my best Napoleon Dynomite voice* "Luuucckkkkeeyyyy"

Soccer Player Gets Yellow Card For Farting

I normally don't give two poots about soccer, but this is funny.

During a Sunday league football game in Manchester, England, a referee ordered that another penalty kick be retaken when one of the opposing players tooted as the ball was being kicked.

The Chorlton Villa athlete that broke wind got the yellow card for what was described as "unsporting beharviour."

[BBC News]

Friday, April 3, 2009

What Do You Think About Jay Cutler Bears Fans?

The Bears haven't had a Pro-Bowl quarterback since 1985 in Jim McMahon. Now it looks like the Bears are desperately trying to change that by acquiring Jay Cutler from Denver.

Originally from Illinois, I was shocked to hear this news this morning. The Bears are notorious for having mediocre at best, quarterbacks. Cutler has a great arm, but does he have the intangibles? After this little charade he pulled with Denver, is Cutler the 'T.O.' of quarterbacks?

There are so many questions with this trade. There are about as many opinions with this situation as there are Bears fans. Not to mention all the questions that arise when you 'google image' 'Jay Cutler.' Go ahead and do it....creeeeeeppyy....
Cutler has this big of an ego and he's not even the main result when you 'google image' his name? Pulleeasse.

Good luck Bears fans. That's all I have to say. And I truly mean it! Hey, I hope it works out, but I say there is at best, a 50/50 shot. Which of course is better than it was 24 hours ago!

What do you think Bears fans? Is 2 first rounders, a second round pick and Kyle Orton too much for Cutler?

Bears fans, fill me in!

I will tell you one thing though. I will miss all of the Philip Rivers/Jay Cutler trash talk.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

ASU Women's Basketball Coach Locker Room Poop Talk

For some reason she reminds me of Amy Madigan in "Field Of Dreams." You know, the part where she's with Kevin Costner at the town meeting and she starts on her rampage about how great the 60's were. Only I can't remember if she said something as funny as the word 'poop.'

The only video that is better is when Jim Mora was still coaching in the NFL, referring to his team as playing like 'diddly poo.'

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Top "April Fool's" Pranks Of All-Time

Happy April Fool's day everyone!

In light of this day I would like to share a website that has listed some of the greatest April Fool's pranks of all-time. The only one that is truly missing is the famous prank I pulled on my 7th grade English teacher that involved some lofty presentations that were interrupted with a remote controlled fart machine. Mrs. Singer took the prank pretty well, but I didn't see the fart machine again, which was actually my dad's and came complete with 3 to 4 different gassy sounds. I hate to 'toot' my own horn, but those were the days!

Now on to the list of the all-time greats...

[Excerpts taken from MuseumofHoaxes]

Sidd Finch
Sidd Finch1985: Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. In reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

The Taco Liberty Bell
Taco Liberty Bell1996: The Taco Bell Corporation announced it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known, he said, as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

Nixon for President 1992: National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

The Left-Handed Whopper 1998: Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

For more greats, check out Museum Of Hoaxes